Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Four Silly Donkeys-Part One
Once upon a time, there was a big field full of animals. In that field, there were four silly donkeys named Iggy, Jacko, Frenchie, and Harpo. They represented the other animals at the House of Nonsense. Under them were smaller donkeys who represented smaller areas of the farm. These donkeys were called the Members of Parliament. Their job was to govern the field and represent all the other animals. They typically wouldn't do all that much, other than go to the House of Nonsense and cheer or jeer the four silly donkeys, and each other. They would argue about all sorts of things, but nothing ever seemed to get accomplished at the field.
The animals all just wanted a big, green, beautiful field with lots of carrots. Typically, the carrots were grown by farmers. They were called businessmen. Some of the farmers cultivated on many other farms. These farmers were known as multinational corporations. These farmers were very powerful. Some animals almost saw them being much more powerful than the four silly donkeys.
The four silly donkeys were always upset with each other and constantly fought for control of the House of Nonsense. Harpo believed that they should give incentives to farmers so that more would be attracted to the field, providing more jobs for the animals. Jacko wanted to tax the shit out of all the farmers and the animals who were working hard, so that all animals could have equal share of the carrots, regardless of their contribution. Frenchie just wanted to put a fence around his region and segregate it from the rest of the farm. And Iggy wasn't really sure what he wanted, but thought it may be a good idea to have no ideas.
Years earlier, the farm animals had voted for Harpo to run the House of Nonsense. The animals believed that Harpo was the donkey who would bring more farmers to the field, hence producing more jobs. Frenchie continued to work on the fence. Jacko was pissed off. And Iggy, well, he was just confused and not sure if he was sticking around the field much longer or returning to a field just south, where he had previously spent a large chunk of his life.
One day, Harpo upset the other silly donkeys by paying no attention to them. He believed that their ideas were not to the benefit of the field. So, they ganged up on him and held a vote. They, and their Members of Parliament, voted that Harpo and his Members of Parliament were not up to running the House of Nonsense. His ideas were not nonsense worthy. So, they all got sucky and walked out of the house.
To be continued...
The animals all just wanted a big, green, beautiful field with lots of carrots. Typically, the carrots were grown by farmers. They were called businessmen. Some of the farmers cultivated on many other farms. These farmers were known as multinational corporations. These farmers were very powerful. Some animals almost saw them being much more powerful than the four silly donkeys.
The four silly donkeys were always upset with each other and constantly fought for control of the House of Nonsense. Harpo believed that they should give incentives to farmers so that more would be attracted to the field, providing more jobs for the animals. Jacko wanted to tax the shit out of all the farmers and the animals who were working hard, so that all animals could have equal share of the carrots, regardless of their contribution. Frenchie just wanted to put a fence around his region and segregate it from the rest of the farm. And Iggy wasn't really sure what he wanted, but thought it may be a good idea to have no ideas.
Years earlier, the farm animals had voted for Harpo to run the House of Nonsense. The animals believed that Harpo was the donkey who would bring more farmers to the field, hence producing more jobs. Frenchie continued to work on the fence. Jacko was pissed off. And Iggy, well, he was just confused and not sure if he was sticking around the field much longer or returning to a field just south, where he had previously spent a large chunk of his life.
One day, Harpo upset the other silly donkeys by paying no attention to them. He believed that their ideas were not to the benefit of the field. So, they ganged up on him and held a vote. They, and their Members of Parliament, voted that Harpo and his Members of Parliament were not up to running the House of Nonsense. His ideas were not nonsense worthy. So, they all got sucky and walked out of the house.
To be continued...
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Grad rate up to 81%, McGuinty says | Canada | News | Toronto Sun
Before I get into my rant, I hope that you will all read the article and, in particular, the comments. I couldn't help but laugh reading through them.
I would really like to know if anyone actually believes that this crap means anything. It is about time that parents sit the fuck down and let teachers, and the education system, do their jobs properly.
I really don't think that it is important to graduate everyone. Hard work and dedication should be the only means to such a reward. I've spent years in the Ontario education system and have seen, firsthand, how society is being dummied down. Parents have to realize that when little Johnny doesn't get an A+, it is not the fault of the teacher, in most cases. Little Johnny has to be held accountable for his actions. That should be one of the most important lessons that he learns. Parents are not doing any good by defending their child in every instance. When little Johnny doesn't study, and doesn't care to, the result should reflect this. We should not adjust curriculum or adjust school policies to ensure that little Johnny graduates with exceptional grades. That's his responsibility. That's just the way I see it.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Things That 1987 Didn't See Coming
Cell Phones
If 1987 was out, that meant it was too busy to talk. If there was an emergency, it would stop at a phone booth.
Phone Features
1987 had none. If it were on the phone, those calling would get a busy signal. Call waiting did not exist and they could not leave a message on the voice mail. If they really needed to talk to 1987, they'd call back until they got through. I guess that was like a calling feature in itself, filtering out those who really didn't need to speak to it.
Heated Seats
1987 was lucky to have heat in the car. Needed a warm ass? 1987 would tell you to stay home.
Cost of Smokes
A $2 bill would get 1987 a large pack of smokes, a large coffee, and it would still get some change. And, it was able to smoke in hospitals, colleges and universities, restaurants and bars, and in the workplace.
Tim Horton's Expansion
1987 would have put its money on Country Style Donuts. They were on every corner and had better coffee. They still have better coffee but people don't pay attention because that's what "effective" marketing does.
Internet
1987 had a search engine but you had to go to your neighbourhood library. It was called the Dewey Decimal System. Sending an email was a long process. It would involve a pen and paper, maybe a typewriter, an envelope and stamps. Delivery was a bit slower, and not always dependable or accurate. 1987's version of Facebook expected you to get out of the house and see your friends. The only wall you might have written on was the bathroom wall at the coffee shop that you and the guys hung out at every night.
Health and Nutrition
1987 would not believe the amount of people belonging to a gym or taking yoga lessons today. 1987 was all about fast food and awesome preservatives that kept twinkies fresh forever.
Drinking and Driving
In 1987, the person who was the least drunk, was the designated driver.
Power windows as standard equipment
1987 would not understand why every car today thinks it's a Cadillac.
Autotuner
1987's version of autotuner was practice and vocal coaching. Now you can sing like an idiot and a machine will fix your shitty voice.
MP3 players
1987 wants to know where the tape is at. Where the fuck is the music coming from? And when did Walkmans get so small?
Faux hawks
1987 would give itself a faux hawk in the shower to see what a mohawk might look like. But, it would not dare to bring that shit out on the street.
Baggy pants
1987 wants to taper your pyjamas and get you a pair of suspenders or a belt. Pick that shit up cause you're gonna trip on it.
George Michael's arrest
He did what, where?
Honda Civic
1987 could never give up its Mustang or Camaro to mod up these rust buckets.
If 1987 was out, that meant it was too busy to talk. If there was an emergency, it would stop at a phone booth.
Phone Features
1987 had none. If it were on the phone, those calling would get a busy signal. Call waiting did not exist and they could not leave a message on the voice mail. If they really needed to talk to 1987, they'd call back until they got through. I guess that was like a calling feature in itself, filtering out those who really didn't need to speak to it.
Heated Seats
1987 was lucky to have heat in the car. Needed a warm ass? 1987 would tell you to stay home.
Cost of Smokes
A $2 bill would get 1987 a large pack of smokes, a large coffee, and it would still get some change. And, it was able to smoke in hospitals, colleges and universities, restaurants and bars, and in the workplace.
Tim Horton's Expansion
1987 would have put its money on Country Style Donuts. They were on every corner and had better coffee. They still have better coffee but people don't pay attention because that's what "effective" marketing does.
Internet
1987 had a search engine but you had to go to your neighbourhood library. It was called the Dewey Decimal System. Sending an email was a long process. It would involve a pen and paper, maybe a typewriter, an envelope and stamps. Delivery was a bit slower, and not always dependable or accurate. 1987's version of Facebook expected you to get out of the house and see your friends. The only wall you might have written on was the bathroom wall at the coffee shop that you and the guys hung out at every night.
Health and Nutrition
1987 would not believe the amount of people belonging to a gym or taking yoga lessons today. 1987 was all about fast food and awesome preservatives that kept twinkies fresh forever.
Drinking and Driving
In 1987, the person who was the least drunk, was the designated driver.
Power windows as standard equipment
1987 would not understand why every car today thinks it's a Cadillac.
Autotuner
1987's version of autotuner was practice and vocal coaching. Now you can sing like an idiot and a machine will fix your shitty voice.
MP3 players
1987 wants to know where the tape is at. Where the fuck is the music coming from? And when did Walkmans get so small?
Faux hawks
1987 would give itself a faux hawk in the shower to see what a mohawk might look like. But, it would not dare to bring that shit out on the street.
Baggy pants
1987 wants to taper your pyjamas and get you a pair of suspenders or a belt. Pick that shit up cause you're gonna trip on it.
George Michael's arrest
He did what, where?
Honda Civic
1987 could never give up its Mustang or Camaro to mod up these rust buckets.
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