Coffee And A Commentary To Go: February 2011

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Greatest Scams of All Time

Double Toilet Paper Roll
Have you noticed that the double roll is about the size of the single roll, before the double roll was introduced? The only thing that has doubled is the price.

Woman's Liberation
A nice way of increasing government tax revenue by 100%. What they failed to promote was that men should be able to stay home and raise the kids while mom went off to work. So, both are now working. Disposable income goes up. Economics 101 kicks in. Demand for goods increases, supply increases, and results in higher overall prices for goods and services. Years later, we are no better off than we were when most households had one working parent. The only difference is that we're all too busy working and don't have time for our families.

Self-Serve Checkouts
Great idea if you are the bottom line of the company. Otherwise, you lose. Now, they only need to employ one staff member to watch over eight or so checkout terminals. If prices stay the same, the consumer is worse off, paying the same price for a lesser service. And, the company has put seven checkout clerks out of the workforce. This leads to my next couple points.

Globalization and Sovereignty
Notice that the larger nations are getting bigger while promoting sovereignty everywhere else? Divide and conquer, maybe? I wonder what would happen if Texas wanted to separate. But, don't think this has anything to do with government. You can blame these huge, hungry corporations who are always looking for a way to increase price and decrease costs. On to the next point.

Illuminati and the New World Order
Do you think that Nike, Sony, Apple and the like want you to know what's really going on? The Illuminati is nothing more than a weak group of political leaders, who are the puppets in a corporate movement to control trade, by taking away trade barriers so they can produce cheap, in third world countries, while selling their expensive logos to us at a jillion percent markup. Big corporations are the bad guys and we fuel them when we purchase their junk at astronomical prices. Factories, that once employed a comfortable middle class, have been torn down to build big box retail stores that sell brand name stuff, produced overseas. And, they employ people at a meager wage, diminishing the middle class who worked hard to build a bit of equity for their retirement, and growing a lower class that dreams of consolidating their debt and having bus fare to get to their job.

King Size Chocolate Bars
If you grew up in the 70s, you know that these are the size of a regular chocolate bar from back in the day. Yeah, the ones that sold for a quarter.

Bottle Service
I'm paying what for a bottle of Smirnoff and have to make my own drink? Just so I can sit on the asshead side, away from the commoners?

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Magic Trick

See the pie?

Now you don't!!!

TA DA!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Best Bachelor Inventions and Innovations

Remote control: Some of you won't remember the days when televisions had dials for changing channels. Yes, you had to get up, walk to the TV, and change the channel. The progress was great. They then gave us a box with push buttons for each channel, and a cord running it to the TV. The first wireless control had four buttons: On/Off, Channel up, Channel Down, and Volume. It may not seem like much today, but in the eyes of an 11 year old bachelor to be, it was a window to what the future had to hold.

Microwave Oven: Anything that is worth eating can be cooked in a microwave. Bacon and eggs in under 2 minutes. Stress free cooking while you're doing the triple S (shit, shower, shave). A true bachelor's kitchen is in his garage, or living room, and consists of a microwave and beer fridge.

Online dating: Are you kidding me? This is the shit. No need to get out of your jammies. No need to bring your wing man along. No need to get off the couch. And, you can still pretend that you're a heart surgeon who drives a Ferrari to his summer home every weekend.

The Roomba: If you can actually convince your online sweetie to come over, you'd better clean up. You could sit back and pull your goalie to some awesome porn, go to the liquor store to pick up your favourite liquid panty remover, or hustle that dating site a bit more, while this baby works some magic.

Faux grass: Just like the real stuff without the mowing or watering.

Online shopping/banking/etc.: Having to put on pants, take a shower, comb your hair, find your wallet, walk out to the car, drive to the mall, find a parking spot, and all that other shit that pisses us off, is a thing of the past. You can now pay your hydro bill, order some groceries, buy an undershirt, and pull your goalie to some international porn, without leaving the crib.

Cupholders: Lets just call this an in-car man purse. We got all our shit in there...pens, change, gum, smokes, lighter, cell phone, rubbers, and occasionally, a coffee.

Online Porn: When you're needing a little love, it's now only a click away. The bachelor once had to go to the seedy part of town to visit that theatre. Eventually, quality film found it's way into his living room with the help of the home film projector, followed by the VCR, followed by the DVD player. Now, you don't even have to leave the house to find some action.