Lindsay Lohan Goes Back To Con College!!!

Lindsay Lohan

  It's her fourth trip to the can.  Might she be the next Trailer Park Boy?  Her numbers suggest it, but I don't think that she's there yet.  Ricky (bottom left) would advise her to stick to smaller crimes in greater quantities.  According to Ricky, she would have been better off to steal one hundred $25 necklaces than one necklace worth $2500.

Get your shit together, LiLo.  Or, get yourself decent representation next time you fuck shit up...


Ricky goes to the bar and gets off...I mean, he goes to court and gets acquitted on all charges.  Fuck!!!  Just click here!!

Ricky

Little Johnny and his Train Set

One day, little Johnny was playing with his train set, in the living room.  The train pulled out of the station, drove around the track, and stopped at the station again. 

"Everybody getting on the fuckin' train, get on the fuckin' train.  Everybody getting off the fuckin' train, get off the fuckin' train", screamed little Johnny.

Once again, the train pulled out of the station, went around the track and again, little Johnny exclaimed, "Everybody getting on the fuckin' train, get on the fuckin' train.  Everybody getting off the fuckin' train, get off the fuckin' train".

His mom, overhearing this, stormed into the living room and commanded, "Johnny, you go to your room and think about what you said!!!”

So, Johnny went to his room for the next hour.  His mom finally went up to check on him.  He assured her that he had thought about things, so she allowed him to go back to playing with his train set.

The train pulled out of the station, drove around the track, and stopped at the station again.  This time Johnny called out, "Everyone getting on the train, please get on the train.  Everyone getting off the train, please get off the train.  Anyone who's got a problem with us being late, talk to the fuckin' bitch in the kitchen". 

Four Silly Donkeys-Continued

So, the House of Nonsense shut down since nobody wanted to play anymore.  The prime minister silly donkey, Harpo, hung his head in shame as he visited the governor general's office to let him know that everyone took their toys and went home.  So, a vote was announced for the beginning of May.  It was up to the other animals to decide which of the donkeys would take over as the prime minister. 
It was time to "campaign".  This meant that they would go from one end of the field to the other, and try to sway the animals to vote for them.  They had ridiculous promises that they called "platforms".  During the campaign, they would heckle each other, kiss random baby animals, and act like they actually cared for the field.  Harpo stuck to his guns, claiming that the field needed to reduce taxes for multinational farmers so that they would come here and grow more carrots.  The problem with this was that the multinationals didn't have any loyalty to the field.  They would go wherever it was cheapest to grow carrots.  Most had gone to a field called China because they could grow lots of carrots and pay very little of those carrots out to the animals.  As well, he spent much of his campaign making fun of Iggy and ignoring Jacko.  Jacko promised lots of carrots to everyone, not really considering who would grow them.  He also promised to "fix" the House of Nonsense.  He really wished that the other silly donkeys would take him more seriously.  Trying to steal Jacko's few voters, Iggy promised that he would do everything that Jacko would do, and continued to kiss baby animals and criticize Harpo.  Frenchie had his saw out, ready to separate his part of the field.  Finally, there was a new player named Greeny.  She wanted to build clouds and make it rain so that the field could have lots of rainbows.  And, she wanted to legalize weed and tax it, so that all the animals can get stoned and be happy with clouds and rainbows and not worry about carrots anymore.  Greeny had a small following, even less than Jacko, and she wasn't popular enough to be allowed into the House of Nonsense.  She really wanted to get in there.

to be continued     

Things I Have Noticed Lately

I've noticed that payphones are slowly disappearing.  And, if you do find one, some sketch is using it in place of a home phone.

There seems to be a growing trend to re-pronounce the word "negotiate".  Initially, it was Ann Rohmer, of CP24 news, who made me cringe when she attempted to "nee-GO-see-ate" the proper pronounciation of this word.  Recently, Stephen Harper pulled that shit during a press conference.  Fuck, that pisses me off.

I've noticed that Starbucks customers cannot enjoy a coffee and do nothing else.  I feel awkward sitting down without a laptop.

These days, young men spit more than ever.  If they aren't grabbing their nuts, they're spitting.
 
Media tends to throw around the term "Breaking News" a bit too loosely.  A report that we may get a green Christmas does not make for "Breaking News", in my opinion.  

Why are more and more people driving like a cabbie in Bangladesh?  

Texting seems to be quite popular today, as opposed to actually calling someone.  What will be the next trend?  Smoke signals?  Messenger pigeons? 

The more television channels that I have, the less there is to watch.