So, you've been noticing that people are throwing their dirty looks at you, or flipping you the bird, or even giving you a straight out "Fuck you!!!". You have no idea why. Hear are some possibilities...
You are out in public and your phone rings. Keep in mind that you are out in public. The public is not part of your conversation. Shut your trap if you can't keep your voice down. People are hating you right now.
There's a parking spot opening up. You are too busy texting or talking on your phone, while maneuvering your BMW or Rover, that you don't notice the other driver who has been waiting patiently, signal on, for that spot. You smoke it, head first, into that spot. People will tell you off because of it. They are not jealous of your car. They think that you're a dick.
Your kids are out of control and you are screwing around on your cell, reading a book, taking a video of them being "cute", or ignoring them. People are not giving you a straight face because they're "cute". Be a parent and stop pissing people off.
Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! You're the first one on the plane! Why are people giving you the pissy face? Because you're the last one to sit your ass down and free up the aisle so they can get by, you friggin' dick.
In your head, you extend the advanced green light by a few seconds because you really need to make that left instead of waiting your turn. You have just made a left turn on an advanced dick. Go park your BMW and fuck off. Your neighbourhood thinks you're a dick.
You are in an elevator that smells like fart or awful body odour. Whether it is yours or not, the next person on thinks you're a dick. Check your pits.
After work, you pick up some street meat on a bun, loaded with onions and other smelly shit, and decide to eat it while taking the jammed, rush hour bus home. You are an asshead. Your dirty dinner smells and is spilling its load all over others while you try to balance yourself on the bus, while stuffing your pie hole. Dicks like you should work from home.
You are in a lineup for a concession stand. You have ample time to scope the menu and decide what you want, before you get to the counter. But, you opt to chat with your buddy, or fuck around on your phone, and wait til you get to the counter until you have a look at the menu. You need to order a dickburger and choke on it because everyone behind you would love that.
Why are your feet up on a public chair? You know exactly what you are.
You are in the first row of a performance and opt to stand. Did you learn that in dick school? Are you part of the performance? You must be a fan of Dick Clark. Sit the fuck down. Your ass is fat. It should not be shaking like that. We can't see around it.
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